If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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