I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
