Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
