How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
