Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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