Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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