Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
