You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
