And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
