he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
