One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
