Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
this boner is exhausting
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
