Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
