i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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