How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
