I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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