My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
