dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
