yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found the puke drawer
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
