You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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