WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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