On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
a search helicopter?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
