my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
