my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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