I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
