she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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