shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
