I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
