Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
pray to the hookup gods
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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