If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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