yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
