just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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