Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
