I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
