wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
