I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
