my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
