I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
