my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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