Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
