i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
