I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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