I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
