dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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