A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
