I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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