i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
