They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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