a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
