I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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