nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
