he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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