this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
