I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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