She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
