So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
