i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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