I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
